Friday, July 31, 2015

Vote for a Romance Novel Opening!

The opening of a novel is tricky business. Where to start? Advice I've gotten in the past from writers and editors has included:
  • Begin on a day that is different (something interesting happens)
  • Start at the beginning of your story (don't include a lot of backstory on Page 1)
  • Drop the reader into the action.
  • Set up story questions that will urge the reader onward to find the answers.
All good advice.
Still I'm having some trouble with the opening of my next historical novel NO GREATER LOVE. Here's the story:

Life Saving crew pulls for a ship in distress.
It's 1882 in bustling Muskegon, Michigan, and for socialite Phoebe Tyler, life is good. She has a loving family, is engaged to a prosperous businessman and yearns to take her place in society. Phoebe’s one regret is that her cousin Sarah, nearing the end of her pregnancy, could not attend the engagement party. When Phoebe learns that Sarah’s child was stillborn, Phoebe postpones her wedding plans to join her cousin at Plovers Point, the remote US Life Saving Station on Lake Superior. Phoebe hopes the visit will raise her cousin's spirits, but finds that her own spirits falter as she tackles the rough and tumble conditions of station life. Unexpected support comes from Marcus Hamilton, the number one surfman on the station's rescue team, whose confidence and faith shake Phoebe's view of the world and her place in it. Which man should she choose--the successful urban gentleman or the courageous surfman? Which life should she choose--the one of privilege to which she was born, or the one to which she is being called?

Which of the three openings for this novel do you prefer?

Opening 1:

US Life Saving Station
Plovers Point, Michigan

March 1882

            “Captain?” Marcus Hamilton stopped outside the open door and removed the white brimmed hat from his head. From the stillness of the man’s body, Marcus knew Captain Peele had not heard. In recent days, the captain’s distraction had increased. The crew had noticed, but tried to ignore it.  “Sir?” He spoke a bit louder to his captain's back and stepped into the office.
            Captain Peele stirred and turned to face his Number One surfman. “Yes, Hamilton.”
            “The pulling boat’s secure. All equipment accounted for and stowed.”
            “Thank you, Mr. Hamilton.” The Captain turned back to the desk.
            “How is Mrs. Peele today, Sir?” Marcus ventured.
            “Better, it seems. She came downstairs today.”
            “That’s good to hear, Sir.”
            “Yes.” Marcus waited, sensing the captain gathering his thoughts.  “She has family in the Lower Peninsula. I plan to contact them. Perhaps someone can come.”
            Family. A mixture of regret and envy tugged like a taut bowline on Marcus’ insides. He answered steadily enough.  “She would be glad of the company.”
            “My thoughts also.” The captain’s gaze drifted out the window toward the slate gray waters beating steadily against the lake shore.
            “Is there anything else, Sir?”
            “What? Oh, no. No, Mr. Hamilton. That will be all.”
            “Sir.” Marcus quietly closed the door behind him as he left.  He ached for his captain and worried that his distraction would interfere with the Station’s performance. Well, the crew would do their best. He would see to it.

Opening 2:

US Life-Saving Station
Plovers Point, Michigan

March 1882

            "Here you are then, Miss. I'll be gettin' your boxes out."
            "Yes, thank you, Mr. Minns."
Phoebe Alison Tyler managed an automatic, polite reply to the young sailor while she stood on the beach and stared before her in dismay, wet skirts and boots completely forgotten. She scanned the scene to her left and to her right. Surely this could not be all of it?
Her cousin Sarah had described Plovers Point as a quaint little community perched on the shore. This could never be quaint. Before her was a rag-tag collection of frame buildings, two of them rather large, several others no more than shacks. All the buildings looked as if they might be blown away by the next storm. Phoebe shivered in the bracing wind that had unfurled the flag, the bright banner hanging on to its pole for dear life. Bits of sand, warmed by the early afternoon sun, stung her face.
Phoebe heard a shout to her left. She shaded her eyes and turned toward the sound. Further down the beach, a group of men, all clothed in dark trousers and white shirts and hats, were working with a cart, ropes and poles to hoist up some kind of contraption. The place smelled of water, wood and fish, a combination that increased the nausea that had threatened most of her trip. She swallowed hard.
"The station house is where you need to be, Miss. You go on and see if Mrs. Poole be up and about."  The young sailor had come up beside her. He gestured to the largest building on the right, two stories high with lower, boxlike additions on either side. A stout watchtower stood like a plump soldier at its end. Across its middle a sign proclaimed "Life Saving Station".
Thankfully, his suggestion took Phoebe's mind off her stomach. She picked up her skirts and headed through the wafting sand. She was still yards from the boardwalk running before the building when the door swung open and a petite, fair-haired woman stepped out.
"Phoebe! Is that you?" 
"Sarah!"

Opening 3:

March 1882
Muskegon, Michigan

The sun and all the stars in the heavens could not match the light and emotion that glittered within the Tyler’s ballroom. The small orchestra took their second pause of the evening, and with her last dance partner off to fetch a cool drink, Phoebe Tyler stood momentarily alone amid the chatter of a hundred coiffed, painted, scented and elegantly dressed guests. With a practiced flick of her wrist, she clicked her fan open and attempted to create a breeze to cool her face. As she idly scanned the faces of most of Muskegon’s well-heeled society, she caught sight of her mother, father and younger sister, all in various stages of enjoyment. She checked the time on the grandfather tucked in the corner behind her and grinned. In exactly forty-one minutes, all four of them would see their fondest dreams come true.

Which beginning do you like best?




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